June 9, 2014

Bonjour tout le monde!

So, this week has been yet another week of waiting for answers. BUT we are getting somewhere, so that's good. Before I could get an MRI on my brain I was told I needed to meet with a neurologist. So, I was very fortunate and was able to meet with one last Friday. He was very thorough in asking questions, it took about 45 minutes, and doing little tests that he could perform in his office. After entering the data in a computer system and leaving the room for a little bit he came back and said that I need to get an MRI on my brain, an MRA (which is a test that shows all the blood vessels and arteries), an EEG which shows electrical activity in your brain that could show if you have seizures and stuff like that (he wants me to get that because I've been fainting) and then to go to a cardiologist (he thinks it might be something with my heart) and get 11 different blood tests done and have him do some tests like a turn table test where they strap me to a table and flip me all around while I’m hooked to all these machines and see how that affects my brain and heart activity. The first thing that came to my mind was that is SO many tests and I felt like Frankenstein being strapped to table or Pinocchio (the doctor looked like a Greek Geppetto) becoming a real boy or something... But I am so grateful to be able to finally start to get some answers! So for right now, I'm just continuing to take all the medication I've been given (it's like 11 pills a day now) and wait for the offices to call me and tell me when I can come in for the tests.

Throughout this week I have been thinking a lot about burdens and how they can affect us in our lives. Right now, this is a big burden for me and sometimes I really feel the weight of it and if I'm not careful I let it drag me down a bit with questions of why this is happening to me or not having hope that things will get better. I was reading Elder David A. Bednar's conference talk from this past April (you can read it here) yesterday and I found SO much strength and comfort. In it he talked about the people of Alma being persecuted by Amulon in The Book of Mormon in Mosiah chapter 24. Amulon places heavy burdens on the people of Alma but never once do they complain to their Lord. Instead they TURN to God during their afflictions and pour out their hearts to him. Then, my favorite part of this story, the Lord doesn't take away their burdens or lift them off their backs, he STRENGTHENS his people so that they can bear them. Sometimes amidst our trials or hard times we ask the Lord to take away the pain or take away the hard things that we're going through - or at least I know that I do. But as I read this and really thought about it, I began to realize how much more we can grow and how the Lord can allow us to grow when we let him strengthen us through our trials instead of just asking him to take it away from us. I know that the only way we can be strengthened through the Lord is through the wonderful gift of his infinite Atonement and the enabling power of it. Although this trial is hard, and I know that we are ALL going through our own hard trials, but I know that our Savior Jesus Christ understands what we're going through perfectly and through him and his Atonement, we can be strengthened so that we can bear them.

I just wanted to share a brief testimony of the Book of Mormon! I LOVE the Book of Mormon SO much and it has helped me so much through this and so many other difficult times in my life. I know that the spiritual power and strength you can find through reading the Book of Mormon and gaining a testimony of it, can be found no where else. I know that it truly is the word of God, brought forth for OUR time and day through Joseph Smith the Prophet. I challenge each of you to read it every day - even if it's just a verse a day! I know it will help you, and I know that your testimony will grow so that you can also help others.

Thank you so much for everyone's love and support and all the little visits and messages I have received!! I am so blessed and everything that has been done and every prayer that's been said in my behalf is so helpful and has brought so much comfort and peace. I hope you all have a great week!! Je vous aime!!
Avec amour,

Courtney