June 2, 2014

If I could describe how I have felt these past 7 weeks with this trial in one word, it would be BLESSED. I truly have been SO blessed with the people around me - my great ward and district and companion in France, my doctor who really cares about me here and wants to help me get back to the mission field stat, and my wonderful family and friends here who show endless love and support for me. Every kind word or prayer in my behalf has strengthened me so much and I am extremely grateful for every single one of you who has gone out of your way to help me - even in just the smallest ways. Every time I hear of someone who has been praying for me or even just when someone tells me that they hope I get better soon I am overcome with gratitude. I feel the love of the Savior through every kind deed and encouraging word. This hasn't been easy, and it still isn't, but I just want to thank you all. There's no way I could lose patience or my faith because of how much my testimony has grown thanks to your great examples and love.

So for a little medical update - this last week I had been continuing the treatment my doctor prescribed - taking a muscle relaxant, an anti-inflammatory, and getting a good massage and resting a lot. On Thursday I got an MRI on my neck to see if that would give us some answers. It came back clear with no sign of answers for this problem. The next day I just felt my health declining - I had the shakes and ended up fainting in our kitchen while I was preparing myself some lunch. Luckily I had a doctor's appointment later that day so we told him what had happened and how the treatment we had been doing (in thinking it was Occipital Neuralgia) wasn't being effective. So we are basically back at square one. He said the next step is to go get an MRI on my head and then follow up with an appointment with a neurologist. I am really hoping that we'll finally have our answer after that this week!

While feeling a little down yesterday about not even being able to sit through 3 hours of church I decided to watch some Mormon Messages and I came across this one by Elder Russell M. Nelson:

 

 

While I was watching it I felt overcome with the spirit of comfort. I loved when he said "If you've got faith, you can handle difficulties knowing that, with an eternal perspective, all will be well". I stopped and just thought about that for a minute. There's a lot of reasons that this situation has brought me fear. Sometimes I have just been overcome with fear and feelings of abandonment because I thought I was doing everything that I needed to be doing! As soon as I start to feel those things, I pray. With as much faith as I can muster I ask Heavenly Father for comfort. My pain is obviously still here, but every day I feel my faith and testimony growing. I know that I'm being watched over by the Lord - I feel it so strong everyday and especially when those around me are such a blessing to me. I know that fear is the opposite of faith and that we have no reason to fear for anything. I don't have to be afraid or worried about what is happening (or not happening when I want it to) because I have a firm testimony of this gospel. The Lord is there for ALL of us, every single one of us, through every single trial that we go through - big or small. And I have a testimony that He really does make all the difference. I know that even while this is hard, the Lord has a plan for me and while I can't always see what that consists of, I do have the blessing of the gospel and I am able to have an eternal perspective because of it. I am so grateful for the gospel in my life. I KNOW that the Lord is always there for us, sometimes it just takes a simple prayer and patience in ourselves to allow him to truly help us. I truly am so blessed to have this knowledge of the gospel and the peace and knowledge that comes with it.

 

I hope you all have a great week!! Thank you for all of your love and prayers and support. I feel so blessed everyday.

 

Avec amour,

 

Courtney Ridd