June 16 & 23, 2014

Sorry about not getting a post out last week and for being late this week!!

Well, there's not a lot of medical news or updates. Last week I had an EEG where thy hooked up about 28 different wires to my head and they monitored my brain activity while doing some different tests on me like making me hyperventilate and flashing strobe lights in my eyes and stuff like that. We haven't gotten results back yet, so we don't know how it went. I also went to a cardiologist too. My doctors think that maybe this could all be caused by me not getting enough blood to my brain because of the fainting, low blood pressure, and light headedness. So, yesterday I went back to the cardiologist and they hooked me up to a heart event monitor that I will have to wear for the next month. Hopefully we'll get some answers soon!

This last week I had the amazing opportunity to go to our stake's Girl's Camp and talk to the girls about missionary work and about how sharing your testimony can help strengthen it. That was SUCH a great experience. I was SO excited to be able to teach again and to have the opportunity to share my own testimony! It wasn't easy - as I was walking up to the stage to teach I didn't know if I would have enough strength to be able to stand up there for a half an hour to teach, but the whole time I was up there I felt so strong and I know it was because of the spirit and because that was what I was supposed to be doing at that time.

I'm so grateful that my "grandma Johnson" growing up got to come and support me!!

There's been a lot of times where I have wondered why I am home - a LOT of times - but as soon as I started preparing for that talk I knew that for some reason that's what I was supposed to do. I was supposed to be able to be home to be there to share my testimony with the girls and talk about missionary work. It really helped me feel like I had purpose again and that was one of the hardest things for me when I came home - feeling like I didn't have much purpose.

While preparing for the lesson I gave I learned SO much. A quote from Thomas S. Monson that I used that I really love is "You know the truth LIVE IT. You possess a testimony, SHARE IT. Never underestimate the far reaching influence of your testimony.” We all have testimonies - even if it is as simple as "I know God lives" we should NEVER hesitate to share because we never know how it can help others.

I gave the girls three challenges to try and help them share their testimonies in their everyday lives and I would encourage you all to try and do them too! As a yearly challenge - share your testimony in church (fast Sunday sacrament meeting!) once every year. Something to help remember that is to do it in the month that you have your birthday. For a monthly challenge - try and share your testimony some way through social media. We're all on some kind of social media at least once everyday. This could be sharing an article or church Facebook page or just posting your simple testimony on Facebook :). And for a daily challenge - put on your pone calendar, alarm, or even a sticky note on your door a reminder that says "Did I give someone the chance to feel the light of my testimony today?". I KNOW that when we share our testimonies it not only helps strengthen others but it helps us to build our testimony and our faith.

I am SO grateful for the gospel in my life and I know that without it I wouldn't be able to get through this really difficult time. There are times that I feel really discouraged or down but anytime that I turn to my scriptures or General Conference talks or prayer I always feel better. I know this church is true and I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are always there for us and will help us through anything - through difficult medical situations or even just inviting our neighbor to church.

Thank you all for your love and support and endless prayers and thoughts. I love you all!!

Avec amour,

Courtney

June 9, 2014

Bonjour tout le monde!

So, this week has been yet another week of waiting for answers. BUT we are getting somewhere, so that's good. Before I could get an MRI on my brain I was told I needed to meet with a neurologist. So, I was very fortunate and was able to meet with one last Friday. He was very thorough in asking questions, it took about 45 minutes, and doing little tests that he could perform in his office. After entering the data in a computer system and leaving the room for a little bit he came back and said that I need to get an MRI on my brain, an MRA (which is a test that shows all the blood vessels and arteries), an EEG which shows electrical activity in your brain that could show if you have seizures and stuff like that (he wants me to get that because I've been fainting) and then to go to a cardiologist (he thinks it might be something with my heart) and get 11 different blood tests done and have him do some tests like a turn table test where they strap me to a table and flip me all around while I’m hooked to all these machines and see how that affects my brain and heart activity. The first thing that came to my mind was that is SO many tests and I felt like Frankenstein being strapped to table or Pinocchio (the doctor looked like a Greek Geppetto) becoming a real boy or something... But I am so grateful to be able to finally start to get some answers! So for right now, I'm just continuing to take all the medication I've been given (it's like 11 pills a day now) and wait for the offices to call me and tell me when I can come in for the tests.

Throughout this week I have been thinking a lot about burdens and how they can affect us in our lives. Right now, this is a big burden for me and sometimes I really feel the weight of it and if I'm not careful I let it drag me down a bit with questions of why this is happening to me or not having hope that things will get better. I was reading Elder David A. Bednar's conference talk from this past April (you can read it here) yesterday and I found SO much strength and comfort. In it he talked about the people of Alma being persecuted by Amulon in The Book of Mormon in Mosiah chapter 24. Amulon places heavy burdens on the people of Alma but never once do they complain to their Lord. Instead they TURN to God during their afflictions and pour out their hearts to him. Then, my favorite part of this story, the Lord doesn't take away their burdens or lift them off their backs, he STRENGTHENS his people so that they can bear them. Sometimes amidst our trials or hard times we ask the Lord to take away the pain or take away the hard things that we're going through - or at least I know that I do. But as I read this and really thought about it, I began to realize how much more we can grow and how the Lord can allow us to grow when we let him strengthen us through our trials instead of just asking him to take it away from us. I know that the only way we can be strengthened through the Lord is through the wonderful gift of his infinite Atonement and the enabling power of it. Although this trial is hard, and I know that we are ALL going through our own hard trials, but I know that our Savior Jesus Christ understands what we're going through perfectly and through him and his Atonement, we can be strengthened so that we can bear them.

I just wanted to share a brief testimony of the Book of Mormon! I LOVE the Book of Mormon SO much and it has helped me so much through this and so many other difficult times in my life. I know that the spiritual power and strength you can find through reading the Book of Mormon and gaining a testimony of it, can be found no where else. I know that it truly is the word of God, brought forth for OUR time and day through Joseph Smith the Prophet. I challenge each of you to read it every day - even if it's just a verse a day! I know it will help you, and I know that your testimony will grow so that you can also help others.

Thank you so much for everyone's love and support and all the little visits and messages I have received!! I am so blessed and everything that has been done and every prayer that's been said in my behalf is so helpful and has brought so much comfort and peace. I hope you all have a great week!! Je vous aime!!
Avec amour,

Courtney

June 2, 2014

If I could describe how I have felt these past 7 weeks with this trial in one word, it would be BLESSED. I truly have been SO blessed with the people around me - my great ward and district and companion in France, my doctor who really cares about me here and wants to help me get back to the mission field stat, and my wonderful family and friends here who show endless love and support for me. Every kind word or prayer in my behalf has strengthened me so much and I am extremely grateful for every single one of you who has gone out of your way to help me - even in just the smallest ways. Every time I hear of someone who has been praying for me or even just when someone tells me that they hope I get better soon I am overcome with gratitude. I feel the love of the Savior through every kind deed and encouraging word. This hasn't been easy, and it still isn't, but I just want to thank you all. There's no way I could lose patience or my faith because of how much my testimony has grown thanks to your great examples and love.

So for a little medical update - this last week I had been continuing the treatment my doctor prescribed - taking a muscle relaxant, an anti-inflammatory, and getting a good massage and resting a lot. On Thursday I got an MRI on my neck to see if that would give us some answers. It came back clear with no sign of answers for this problem. The next day I just felt my health declining - I had the shakes and ended up fainting in our kitchen while I was preparing myself some lunch. Luckily I had a doctor's appointment later that day so we told him what had happened and how the treatment we had been doing (in thinking it was Occipital Neuralgia) wasn't being effective. So we are basically back at square one. He said the next step is to go get an MRI on my head and then follow up with an appointment with a neurologist. I am really hoping that we'll finally have our answer after that this week!

While feeling a little down yesterday about not even being able to sit through 3 hours of church I decided to watch some Mormon Messages and I came across this one by Elder Russell M. Nelson:

 

 

While I was watching it I felt overcome with the spirit of comfort. I loved when he said "If you've got faith, you can handle difficulties knowing that, with an eternal perspective, all will be well". I stopped and just thought about that for a minute. There's a lot of reasons that this situation has brought me fear. Sometimes I have just been overcome with fear and feelings of abandonment because I thought I was doing everything that I needed to be doing! As soon as I start to feel those things, I pray. With as much faith as I can muster I ask Heavenly Father for comfort. My pain is obviously still here, but every day I feel my faith and testimony growing. I know that I'm being watched over by the Lord - I feel it so strong everyday and especially when those around me are such a blessing to me. I know that fear is the opposite of faith and that we have no reason to fear for anything. I don't have to be afraid or worried about what is happening (or not happening when I want it to) because I have a firm testimony of this gospel. The Lord is there for ALL of us, every single one of us, through every single trial that we go through - big or small. And I have a testimony that He really does make all the difference. I know that even while this is hard, the Lord has a plan for me and while I can't always see what that consists of, I do have the blessing of the gospel and I am able to have an eternal perspective because of it. I am so grateful for the gospel in my life. I KNOW that the Lord is always there for us, sometimes it just takes a simple prayer and patience in ourselves to allow him to truly help us. I truly am so blessed to have this knowledge of the gospel and the peace and knowledge that comes with it.

 

I hope you all have a great week!! Thank you for all of your love and prayers and support. I feel so blessed everyday.

 

Avec amour,

 

Courtney Ridd